• Need Help? The Case Against Unsolicited Advice

    edited by Alexander Becker on November 30, 2006 | Link

    The one rule to respect in order to successfully offer free help.

    The desperate need for serious help is directly anti-proportional to the willingness to accept it and follow even basic recommendations. People become help- and advice resistant when they need it the most.

    The motivation to take advice does not exactly go hand in hand with the need for help. In other words, the more you need it, the less you are willing to accept a helping hand. Yet, when you and your systems are down, you are not at all inclined to listen to the stuff that would bring you back to life.

    You don't need all the motivational advice and tricks when everything is up and running. You don't need productivity tricks for doing and accomplishing the tasks you love, no matter hard or enduring they are. It's the small and the big things, the easy and the hard stuff, jobs that need to get done because they have to get done, that make you procrastinate and at the same time rob you of any motivation to apply even the most basic rules of productivity in order to get them behind you.

    A todo-list? I love my work and I have my tasks in my head. My tasks come directly off my mind, no need to write them down. So far so good. Consider this: I don't need to write down what I have to do. It follows me wherever I am, the pressure is on my mind all the time. The difference between the two is the first quote describing someone's expression of security and passion while the second statement shows distress and hurry. The difference is accountability. While the first one holds himself accountable, the second one is afraid of any accountability whatsoever.

    A nutritional step-by-step plan? I know how it works, in theory... A detailed and customized financial savings and investment outline? That's great but I think I'll continue spending it all, it doesn't make a difference anyway... Time-management and optimizing schedules? I just can't help but sleeping in, passing out, ... Does any of these answers sound remotely familiar?

    There is a great Jewish proverb about someone who studied all life long only to exclaim --

    I have found the perfect answer. Now I just need to find the matching question...

    What's the most perfect advice worth without anybody, not even the person it is tailored to, following it?

    Let's take a look at the people who are actually asking for help. The mere request for help shows a certain amount of potential accountability, the will to follow what might be best, at least better than the current situation.

    Offering help, especially if it comes for free, is not always welcome, let alone appreciated. Most people -- even in their greatest despair -- prefer to decide for themselves that they do need help and are grateful for you to positively answer their call. It just doesn't work the other way around. Play by the rules, look for others in need and give them the chance to take the initiative and articulate their desires.

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